Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he’s deaf, but Beethoven has sold out and shat upon the musical legacy he once had. I remember as a young aspiring musical critic I would spend hours staring at his sheet music and plunking out the beautiful melody line on my piano. Whenever I would get a chance to see a grand orchestra play his heartfelt first or second symphony I would leap at the opportunity, and I bought as many CDs of his recordings as I could. Of course CD stands for Classical Delineated music… the m is silent.
But then I heard the ninth symphony. The wretched, wretched ninth symphony, something that any child could play on the piano, something so wretchedly mainstream and simple that it can only be described as simple and mainstream. I got tickets to a concerto version of his newest “masterpiece” and sat in the balcony as I always do (I’m not made of gold, people!) and sat in ready to view a new mind-blowing powerful piece. Maybe it would have the subtlety of the third symphony, maybe it would have the raw unharnessed power of the fifth. But no, it had the pussy willow drag and a vomit inducing child-like quality. Even know I can’t get it out of my head… da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da---daa-daa. ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
What a trifle piece of shit! Did Beethoven suddenly go more deaf?! Or worse did he suddenly gain better hearing and realize that his previous work was too good, too powerful.
The answer will never be known, but until it is I will wretch when I think of his name. Fuck it, I’m going to get stoned and listen to some Bartok.
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